A little of what you fancy does you good - Cake!

This is going to be my Baking Blog.  I am not 100% sure how these blog pages work.  I would like to create this to be my Baking post and then when I do more baking I will add more to this actual blog... think of it as a little experiment!

For me baking is a real tonic.  I like good food and I have to admit as a working mother some days I cannot be bothered to cook and go for the quick and easy route.  As a family we are very lucky we have fresh produce everyday and we tend to cook from scratch.  Nat and I enjoy our time in the kitchen.  Often it is Nat that puts music on and dances whilst I am pulling serious faces at her and she tries to get me to dance with her in the kitchen which means a simple meal can end up taking 3 hours to cook!

It is known that baking and cooking lifts depression and eases stress levels ... for some that is not the case, which is a shame.  I know when I have time and I fancy being creative, this is a great thing to do!!

Baking is an experience we can enjoy and it encourages us to get back in touch with our senses – and in particular with the sense of smell – can reawaken happy memories of early childhood, of feeling looked after, cared for and safe. Smell is the first way we recognised our loved ones, so a particular smell may even bring to mind memories that were embedded before we knew language; memories we didn’t realise we possessed.

I have very fond memories of baking.  I used to go and stay with my Nanny for odd weekends while my parents worked.  My Nanny was a phenomenal baker, I often tell people about what she used to make and how she would not use bowls or measuring equipment.  Before I went home on a Sunday morning, Nanny and I would make some shortbread for my mum and we would mirror each other.  I would work on one counter and she would work on another and I would copy her.  She would make the shortbread on the worktop itself and I remember being fascinated by this.   The shortbread would come out of the oven and she would send me to Tesco to get some fromage frais to have with it so I could take it home for my mum.  My Nanny also used to make danish pastries, apple pies, blackberry jam, biscuits (that she would post to me right up to a few years ago).  She would also make the most amazing roast beef, Sheppard pie, cauliflower cheese and lentil soup with homemade rolls.  When I think about this.  I realise how lucky I am to have memories like this.  Not everyone does.

My lovely Nanny on the left with my Mum and my daughter X

I am lucky that my two daughters like baking too.  We often make cookies or cakes on a weekend afternoon ... Miss F enjoys the measuring and making process and Miss L prefers the decorating part. I enjoy these moment as these are moments that my daughters will remember  ... and take into their adulthood.  The exciting part is Miss F wants to be more independent in her cooking and has started baking by herself and will cook simple meals for the family such as spag bol (veggie of course).  

The act of baking is a process.  It takes time to read a recipe, gather the ingredients, mix the dough, let it rise, shape it, and then bake what we’ve created. That’s how humans are designed to operate – to understand what they’re doing, step by step and creating something from a few ingredients.  I do this by going onto Pinterest and looking at what is on there and creating boards for me to refer back to when I want to try something new.

Thanks again for reading this.  Speak soon, Love F x

I get by with a little help from my friends x

We are friends because you get it. I’m not sure what that means (it’s all so vague) but whatever it is, you have it. I don’t need to explain anything to you or worry if you’ll get the joke. This means so much to me.  As I was chatting to my dad this weekend about life … as you do.  I said something to him and ended what I was saying with … “Does that make sense?”  He put his hand on my hand and asked me why I say that so much and everything I say makes perfect sense and I should never worry about sound stupid or being misunderstood.  That is often the way I feel and that is why I get anxious about talking to people who do not really know me.  It is due to my deafness and confidence that I feel this way and I could see that it broke my dad’s heart that I feel this way but he understood and told me never to change.  My real friends are the same … I absolutely LOVE my friends.  I always say that you can’t choose your family… but you can choose your friends.  


I love how those friends I feel comfortable with I can tell a joke or a funny story without the other person looking at me as if I am making no sense whatsoever.  In fact, they encourage me.  The very first person that brought out my real sense of humour is my amazing wife, Nat.  I feel I really can be me with her.  Apparently I have an real laugh that she had never heard me do before until we were together and it is something I do occasionally with her and she loves it!! (Phew)

I love that we are friends because you love me even when I’m terrible. It’s easy to love someone when they’re doing well, it’s easy when there’s nothing but happiness and good vibes. The real challenge comes when everything is crap. And I want to hide away from the world.  My friends continue to text me and send me pictures of things they think I will like just to say ‘hey we are thinking of you’ – that means so much to me.  You guys know who you are!

We are friends because you never make me uncomfortable. I think about some of my past friends (and some family members) and realise that they’ve made me feel weird at some point in our friendship / relationship. Whether it’s from an awkward silence or a snide remark, I’ve felt unsure about them. Not you though. I always know that you make sense and that this makes sense.

We are friends because we can go for long periods of time without talking and it won’t damage the relationship. We always pick up where we left off.  I LOVE LOVE THIS!!   Surfaces changes mean nothing to us. You could become a vegan who goes by a weird pop group and attends odd conventions, and I would still feel closer to you than anyone else. We don’t need common interests in order to connect. We don’t need a mutual love of music or sports or whatever to keep us together.  We just gel don’t we, and that feels good doesn’t it?

We are friends because you don’t get resentful or jealous if I get into a relationship (in my case, same sex relationship) or get into a good job. I mean, maybe you are and that’s fine. The important thing is we support each other and respect what we want from life…

You are my friend because you’re not afraid to listen to my crap or disagree with me. I can’t get away with anything when I’m with you. You’ll tell me things that I need to hear but everyone else is too afraid to tell me. Your honesty is so damn refreshing albeit a bitter pill to swallow sometimes.  But we need it don’t we.  How are we meant to make progress?
We are friends because you make feel less alone in this mad, flaky world. It’s amazing how often you can feel disconnected from people. It’s amazing how many people can betray you, or fail to understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. When I see you, it’s a burst of reassurance that I’m not the only who looks at the world this way. There’s someone else. And that someone is you.  

This is not dedicated to one friend only.  But to my close friends and my wife, mum and dad who know me so well.  I love you all.  

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS.

Thank you for reading this.  

Speak soon.  Love F x

My wife's Birthday!

A few weeks ago we had a party for my wife's 30th birthday!  My wife is a big kid at heart and she is so full of energy!  When our youngest was 4 years old, Nat was a little jealous that she was having a pirate party and on that day she vowed that she would too have a pirate party for her 30th!  As time was approaching we discussed what we could do for her special day and she knew exactly what she wanted!  It was time to get planning! 

We decided that we would have the party at home as Nat loves being at home and socialising with friends and family.  Also it would mean that the girls can be involved with the party and not worry about the time. 

So Nat thought about who she would want to invite. It was my job to create the invites.  As you may know I love making cards.  This was a great oportunity for me to create something along the pirate theme!  This is what I made. 



I started of using a Stampin' Up punch which is called Build an Owl.  I used a variety of cards and paper so that each pirate would be different. 

Here on the right you can see how I assembled the pirates.  I added eye patches on some of them and some of them had a hat.  Pretty cool huh?




















This was the finished card.  I was pretty chuffed with it.  I used individual alphabet stamps to write 'Nat is 30?!' which I cut into a banner strip.  I added all this to different backgrounds to make them all quirky and unique. 


For those we did not post, I took photographs of the outside and inside of the card and made a collage using a photo app on my phone and posted it onto facebook and emailed it to those who do not have facebook! 

That was the invites done.  The next stage was to plan the party! When we got married we had such a great time and loved doing all the preparations ourselves.  We decided that we would do the same for the party.  First things first, I know I sew and love making things, but I was not going to have time to make four pirate outfits from scratch...  We went online and ordered some cheap and cheerful costumes for Nat and I.  Then it was time to think about what the girls would wear.  Miss L decided that she would wear her Gothic Halloween dress which is actually quite pirate like.  She wanted to cut the bottom off so that it was shorter and wear leggings underneath.  She wore an eye patch and a scarf round her head.  Miss F wanted to look more grown up and glam, so she decided that she would wear black leggings, with one leg shorter than the other.  A white shirt and a black waistcoat.  Along with a head scarf and make up... she looked good!

I went online and ordered various things for the party.  I got:
A pirate photo booth kit.
Gold Edible spray.
Pirate cake toppers for the cake.
Transfer Pirate Tattoos.
Some gold coins.
Pirate table confetti.

Nat's mum went to the pound shop and got some pirate bits and pieces to put on the tables.  We ended up with pirate bubbles.  Plastic cannons.  Plastic bombs.  Some swords and balloons!  The funny thing was the check out person asked Judy if it was a party, Judy explained yes it was and the check out person said aww, how old is the child?  Judy said, it's for me daughter... she is going to be 30!  This did make me chuckle!!

We did food for the party.  We did the normal party food, but had Rum jelly shots with fish sweets in them.  They looked pretty good.  They must have been as they went very quickly!

Next was the BIRTHDAY CAKE!! Nat said that she really wanted a pirate cake for her birthday so I set myself up the task of doing this.  I wanted to make something special for her!
I started off making a normal sponge cake.  I then cut it into segments to look like a ship.  I used some food colouring to make the icing brown and rolled it out to cover the cake.  I decorated the cake with smarties and various sweeties!!   Unfortunately the gold coins did not come in time, so I had to rethink ... I got some Oeros and sprayed them gold.  They looked blooming good actually!  I put a photo of Nat and I from our wedding booth as a sail on the cake to add that personal touch. 

We also had a photo booth where we used the frame from our wedding to take silly photos of each other and a tattoo parlour so that people could have a tattoo!!
Nat thoroughly enjoyed her party and still has her big day to come and we are looking forward to it. 

Me :)

Me, Nat and Becki

Do you over think like me? X

At the moment I am in a place where I'm not sure what is happening and I'm not embracing it very well as it doesn't feel very good.  I have been feeling a bit run down since the beginning of December ... We had a very tough term at school awaiting Ofsted to come and visit.  We all worked extremely hard. As we approached the end of the winter term, guess who visited!  I was off on the day their visit was announced.  I had tonsilitis, ulcers in my mouth and numerous things wrong.  I was trying to rest and I thought I would go into work and embrace Ofsted as me, being me did not want to let my colleagues down and work as a team.  As this is what we have been waiting for ... 

Since then, I have felt pretty rubbish.  I have felt that my work life has shifted in the way I feel about it.  I love the teaching role and working with the students.  I get a real sense of achievement and satisfaction in seeing the students I work with blossom and make progress in their learning.  But there is something in me that is struggling with being a teacher in a hearing environment.  I work with a great team and they do their best to help me with things that I might not 'hear' but still there is that feeling of isolation again.  But I feel something is missing at the moment.  

I am so lucky that I have my amazing wife who will help me through what I struggle with and a few years back I undertook counselling where I focused on cognitive behaviour therapy and the counsellor I had was amazing but unfortunately with the NHS it is restricted.  I have since seen another counsellor who I struggled with as I couldn't always lip read her and she didn't quite get my deafness and the issues that surround it in my life.  So I have stopped going to see her, the agency are trying to find someone else that is more suited ... Which is a shame as that shows that I cannot access facilities as easily as hearing people and I need help from specialist services. I will be patience and see what the outcome is.  But sometimes I feel like why should I wait when others get it quicker because they do not have issues with communication.  

My previous counsellor suggested that I write things down as well as talk about them.  I have always been a person who likes to write or see things written down as it makes it easier for me.  I have amazing friends who are there for me, and I love them to pieces, they are the family that I have chosen for myself.  I also have my amazing mum and dad who are there for me all the time and will nudge me into the direction that I need to go in.  But above all my wife is my rock and she knows me better than I know myself, so I am blessed in that respect.  

I have a tendency to over think and turn something very small into something very big which is not a good trait.  I also worry about what other people think of me.  I often think I am not good enough and put myself down constantly.  I do not completely know where this stems from, but I know I am a perfectionist and if I do something that is not right or perfect I tend to beat myself up about it till I drive myself mad about it and find it hard to move on.  

My focus is to think about the over thinking and why I do it.  So I am going to set myself targets and explore and discuss them and share them.  I hope this doesn't BORE you!  I would appreciate your support and thoughts on my waffling ons! 😃. 

As with regards to work... I am going to take it one step at a time and write my thoughts down and be proactive and think about the future and what it might hold for me. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  

Take care, speak soon.  Lots of love. F x

Time to Rant.

A little rant needed …

I just feel the need to have a rant today.  I am feeling a bit fed up.  I am fed up with my ‘hurdles’ that I face in life and me being me, tend to keep them bottled up.  Well, not today.  I am going to type some of them and vent … I need to.  

I am a 38 year old, who has worked bloody hard.  I have got 9 GCSEs and 3 A’Levels.  I have got 2 degrees.  Why do people look astonished when I say I am a teacher … and think I have become a teacher without having to work REALLY hard.  I love, love my job.  BUT it is tiring.  Imagine having no sound in your life and you have to rely on facial expressions, body language all the time, don’t you think you would be a bit (a tiny bit) tired?

I have been thinking about a few things that I personally struggle with and I just feel I need to share…

Correcting my speech.
So, as I mispronounce a word, they think the appropriate response is to laugh or correct me (when they think they are being helpful).  I know when I do not say something right and when this is the case I will ask for help on how to say it correctly.  As this requires concentration and being in the right frame of mind. 
Forgetting, of course, that since I don’t hear so well, I may not have heard quite how a word should sound.  Hearing people have the sounds around them all the time, TV, Spoken word, radio etc.  It’s a silent world for me. 
It’s embarrassing, but we deaf people can’t help it.  I would prefer it if you didn’t laugh and attempt to correct me.  We did the speech therapy. It helped, but clearly, it didn’t fully work.
Let’s move on.


Looking away while communicating
Hearing people look everywhere when I talk to them.
It feels as if my conversation isn’t interesting enough, they scan the room for other people who might have arrived. They glance at their iPhones in case they have a new message. Or they just stare at the blank wall behind you.  So … sometimes, I think why bother trying to engage in a conversation with them. 
I have to look at you.  It might be a bit awkward, but I need to look at your face.  Because I lip-read, I have to focus hard on people’s lips (sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. by the way, it is not intentional).
Because I am trying to work out what you’re saying, I can’t switch off.
Because I am deaf, we’re forced to really LISTEN.
I give you my full attention.
Why not give me yours?


Assuming
Don’t assume… that all deaf people are the same.
Some use sign language, and some lipread and some talk. Some like to use a sign language interpreter. 
Don’t assume… that because I got everything you said one day I will hear everything you say the next.
We might be in a noisy place. You might speak less clearly. I might be tired, from, listening to you all day yesterday.
Don’t assume… you’re cleverer than us because we occasionally mishear something.  I hate abbreviations because I do not ge them and like to have it all in a sentence.  It is not because I am daft, it is just the way I am .  I do not remember everything you say.  You are listening and writing the dates in your diaries.  I have to look at my interpreter and process what is being said and BAM, I have forgotten what it is I am meant to write down.  That is not my fault and please do not make me feel I am wasting your time asking you to recap. 


I feel stupid quite often and feel I am doing things wrong.  The expectation that I SHOULD know what is happening because it has be spoken about.  Well, I did not hear and I need it to be written down or it might be nice if someone made the effort to come and find me and tell me face to face. 
You might be cleverer than me, you might not. You won’t know from judging how quickly I make sense of something you say. Please do not make assumptions.  

I feel better that I have put this onto my blog.  But then again, who will read this and think – I might have to change the way I am with Deaf people.  I wonder? 

Anyway, like I always say.  Any questions about what I write please feel free to ask.  I do not bite … sometimes! 



Take care, speak soon. Faye x

Happy New Year!

 

So … This is goodbye to 2014.  I cannot believe how fast this year went!  We are now closer to 2015 than we are to the year 2000.  I am sure many of use can remember what we were up to back then!  New year resolutions, is it really worth doing them or are we setting ourselves up for failure?  I like to reflect on the past year and think about all the great things we have done and the things I would like to ‘improve’.  So here are few things I would like to consider this year and I am NOT going to beat myself up if I do not achieve it.

This is an important one!!  Make small changes …

I feel that there is one problem with the majority of New Year’s resolutions is that they are too ambitious. As much as I would like to be slimmer and fitter by the end of January, it is not going to happen and I need to tell myself that this is okay. If I set daunting targets for myself, I will be miserable when I don’t meet them. Instead, I will focus on small, achievable changes. This is so much more achievable don’t you think????

Detox

Before I do anything else, it might be a good idea to start the year with a clean slate by detoxing.  We over indulged during the chrsitmas period and I am going to detox for 2 weeks when I am ready to feel cleaner and healthier.  This might be something simple like cutting back or out on alcohol and not so healthy food.  I am lucky that my partner and I love healthy food, it is just the sweet things I like too!  I NEED TO DRINK MORE WATER!!

Get organised

I would like the freedom to relax, knowing that everything in my life is under control.  I need to sort out some important paperwork and put everything in my diary as I have a terrible memory.  I am going to organise my food shop like I have done for the past year so we know what we are having each night and we do a weekly shop for the main things and if need be we pop to the grocers in the village to get the fresh items as and when we need them.  This way we are supporting our local businesses.  I also want to get organised so that my girls can have friends round once a month as we work late often and run out of time to organise this –so this year I am going to make more of an effort to do that. 

Think positively

I know that I need to think more positively and have more faith in myself.   Approaching every situation with a ‘glass half full’ mentality will go a long way towards improving my year, and it’s something absolutely everybody can do. A short sentence I know.  I do not know what more to say on this, except I will be more positive and talk more to those who care about me. 

Learn from my mistakes

As I said, I need to be more positive and I am one of those people who get anxious and worked up about things that do not need to be an issue.  I have to accept that we ALL make mistakes and we can learn from these.  I also have to believe that I can do IT! As I am one of those who thinks I cannot do it or wont do it well … I need to work out what to do in those moments and use the techniques that work for me to prevent more upset in the future. 

IMPORTANTLY

I want to have an great year with my amazing wife, my two daughters, my family and my awesome friends who are my chosen family!  I will make time to do the things I enjoy and not feel guilty about it. 

Happy New Year everyone!

Speak to you soon, Love Faye x